


A Hidden Love

by oscuro_errante



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Post-Episode: s01e15 Will You Take My Hand? (Star Trek: Discovery), Star Trek: Discovery - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28426380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscuro_errante/pseuds/oscuro_errante
Summary: In the aftermath of the Klingon-Federation War, Admirals Katrina Cornwell and Jonathan Turner struggle with the sense of loss caused by Gabriel Lorca's death and with some decisions endorsed during the final months of the war. Will they be able to come to terms with themselves and their feelings?
Relationships: Katrina Cornwell&Jonathan Turner, Katrina Cornwell/Jonathan Turner, Katrina Cornwell/Original Male Character
Kudos: 2





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of my first fanfiction works, which you can also find on WattPad under the nickname of "oscuro_errante" (https://www.wattpad.com/user/oscuro_errante). Any feedback (better if constructive) is welcome! Write in the comments below!

Earth, Paris, 2257

Vice Admiral Jonathan Turner, Chief of Starfleet Security, was sitting behind his desk and was following the ceremony held that morning in honor of _Discovery_ 's crew, during which some of the crew members had been awarded the Starfleet Medal of Honor.

He listened carefully to the words spoken by Michael Burnham, reinstated to her rank as Commander, pardoned for all crimes committed and chosen as the new Chief Science Officer of the U.S.S. _Discovery_ : « _On the eve of battle, on a cold windless night, an old general turned to a young soldier. “Tomorrow”, said the master, “You will know fear.” The young soldier, who has not yet experienced the agony of war, looked at the general with quizzical eyes. “How will I know fear if I do not know what it looks like?” The general replied, “You will know fear because it speaks very fast and it speaks very loud.” If that is how fear acts, recognizing it is easy. But as the young soldier considered the general’s advice, she asked the question facing us now. “Once I know fear, how do I defeat it?”_ ».

After a very brief pause, she had continued: « _We are no longer on the eve of battle. Even so, I come to ask myself the same question that the young soldier asked the general all those years ago: “How do I defeat fear?” The general's answer? “The only way to defeat fear is to tell it no.” No, we will NOT take shortcuts on the path to righteousness. No, we will NOT break the rules that protect us from our basest instincts. No, we will NOT allow desperation to destroy moral authority. I am guilty of all these things. Someone says there are no second chances. Experience told me that this is true, but we can only look forward [...]_ ».

The imposing Admiral stopped the recording at precisely that point, thoughtfully, then he stood up and paced across the office until he finally reached one of the windows that adorned the room. The war against the Klingons had finally come to an end after more than a year of fighting, but at what cost? The Federation had almost reached a point of no return when the decision was made to destroy Qo’noS and commit genocide against its population. It was only through the prompt intervention of Burnham and the Discovery’s crew that a tragedy of immense proportions, which would surely destroy everything the Federation had fought for since its creation, had been avoided.

 _What we were going to do?_ , he wondered as he resumed pacing around the room. _And what have we done?_

Before becoming the new Chief of Starfleet Security, Turner himself had fought and commanded one of the last few ships that survived not only the fights but the war herself; during his last battle, he was taken prisoner during a close combat with a Klingons’ boarding party, transported aboard one of their vessels and tortured to near death. Only thanks to the prompt action taken by Admiral Katrina Cornwell, captured months earlier and freed thanks to the intervention of T'Rell and Burnham, was he saved and taken to the nearest medical center, where he had received specific medical treatment for his weak condition. On that fateful day, several of the men and women under his command had died in combat, others had been tortured to death, but most had managed to save themselves, thanks in part to the presence of spirit of his First Officer. It always seemed to him that only too few of his crew had survived, even though the reports he had read told him otherwise.

But despite all the bloodshed, all the suffering he (but not only him, everyone) went through and his survival proved to be a miracle, he still did not approve of the idea of a genocide of an entire species and could not believe that the Federation would do so only to avoid complete annihilation. The ideals of the Federation, as Burnham had pointed out that very morning, were others. And all of them were just as guilty as she was at the beginning of all that mess.

No matter how strongly Turner protested at the proposal to commit such a crime, it was not enough and the order was given. And although he had held the office of Chief of Starfleet Security for a relatively short time, having received his promotion back in active duty, he had seriously considered signing a letter of resignation not only from his post, but from Starfleet itself. And yet he didn't. Once again Katrina Cornwell had prevented him from pursuing a course of action that would certainly not have helped him, giving him the impression that underneath it all she didn't approve of the idea either.

So he stayed. But he also continued to go regularly to various Counselors to help him overcome this problem along the others he had after his recovery, not least the news of the disappearance and probable death of Gabriel Lorca, commanding officer of the U.S.S. _Buran_ and one of his best friends. Finding out that the man with whom he had interacted in those last months, during the war, was nothing more than an impostor from an alternative reality to his own, the Mirror Universe, had disorientated and grieved him much more than he wanted to admit to himself and others.

 _I wonder how Katrina must have taken it_ , he suddenly thought to himself. When the _Discovery_ had returned from her, to say the least, interesting experience in the Mirror Universe, Katrina had been among the first to learn what had happened to the real Gabriel Lorca.

He sat at his desk again, wondering if it was worth speaking with her about this now, after all the stress and the difficulties of those last few months, the end of the war and all those last weeks in which they had never been able to deal with the subject as they should, although there was no lack of opportunities to do so. He looked at two of the few "real" photos that he had on his desk, near the computer terminal, photos that portrayed a couple of people, himself and Katrina Cornwell, young Ensigns just graduated from the Academy; and a trio, himself, Cornwell and Lorca the day he and Lorca were promoted to Captains. They had not always managed to keep in touch, but their relationship had been so strong that they had managed not to get lost with the passing of the years and the different assignments they received, even in the most absurd places.

With a sigh he passed his hand over his eyes and thought that perhaps it was time to go and do it. _No more second thoughts, right now she needs you more than ever. And you need to be with her. He was important for both of you._

But who was he kidding? He knew what the problem was, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself: what made him most uncomfortable in this situation were his feelings for Cornwell. In all those years he hadn't committed himself to any woman because they weren't her and because he was in love with Katrina Cornwell, even though he didn't immediately realize his feelings for her.

He finally got up and left the office to go looking for Katrina Cornwell.


	2. Katrina Cornwell

Earth, Paris, 2257

At last the day was approaching its end. Admiral Katrina Cornwell was finally alone, totally exhausted not only because of the day just passed, but also because of the previous weeks, the end of the war with the Klingons and the preparation of the various ceremonies, including some funerals but luckily not only that. Just that morning the woman had taken part in the ceremony held in honor of the _Discovery_ 's crew: she herself had decorated some of the crew members with the Starfleet Medal of Honor and promoted two of the officers - Paul Stamets, now a Lieutenant Commander, and Sylvia Tilly, finally a full Ensign.

After the ceremony there were the usual speeches, followed by a seemingly endless banquet. At the first useful opportunity the Admiral had managed to slip away, taking refuge in her office and telling her aide that she did not want to be disturbed unless it was a matter of life and death. Up until that point, fortunately, no one had bothered to go looking for her, and she had used those hours of solitude to do some tidying up. And finally to start mourning the dead.

With the hundreds of thousands of deaths the war had brought, Gabriel Lorca's had been the straw that broke the camel's back and brought the Admiral to the edge of the abyss. With the return of the U.S.S. _Discovery_ from the Mirror Universe and the consequent discovery of the impostor and all the annexes, she had endorsed a series of decisions that she soon regretted, not least the mass genocide to be perpetrated against the Klingons and their home planet, Qo'noS. Though it had been a hell of a few months, though she had been kidnapped and tortured by Klingons, though she had seen death and destruction galore and lost the man she loved, she was realizing more and more how unjustifiable and unjustified her actions were.

Realization that had only come with time, actually. Jon Turner, whom she saved at the very last moment, almost dying, from the Klingons, had tried over and over again to reason with her about that decision. He was perhaps the only one who had openly spoken out against the voluntary act of genocide that the Federation was preparing to commit. She, on the contrary, still in the grip of anger and hatred that only now, in its entirety, she realized she had not fully dealt with and fully digested, had approved the idea and given the green light. With bitterness it came back to her how she had almost had to beg Jon not to offer his resignation. And it was at that point that doubt had begun to creep in, doubt that perhaps this was not the right path to take, and that had led her to listen to then-Specialist Burnham's alternative proposal.

A chirp from her com-desk brought her out from her reverie and the voice of her aide, a young Lieutenant JG, filled the air of her office: «Admiral?» asked the youthful and always-serious Vulcan.

«Go ahead, Mr. Subrik. What is it?» replied the Admiral, looking out of the window that adorned her office.

«There’s someone who wants to speak with you right away, ma’am» was the only answer of Lt. Subrik.

«And is it a matter of life and death, Lieutenant?» Admiral Cornwell felt puzzled by the way her aide was handling the entire situation: the very exceptional times that Katrina had ordered not to be disturbed a part for truly extraordinary circumstances, Lieutenant Subrik had acted in accordance with the directives received and no one had ever been able to approach the Admiral. Why should today be any different? Katrina asked herself while she kept looking out the window.

«A sort of, Katrina...» answered the voice of Jonathan Turner, making her turn surprised towards the entrance of the office where the imposing colleague was flanked by the slender Vulcan aide.

«Thank you, Lieutenant» then continued the Admiral, looking at the youthful aide with a little smirk on his face, «I’ll take from there...».

The Lieutenant gave a little nod, then left the office without a word: Katrina couldn’t have been more surprised.

«We need to talk, Kat» observed the imposing colleague to his old friend, with a knowing look in his eyes, «And you know perfectly well that...»

«About what, exactly…?»

Jon Turner merely arched an eyebrow and Katrina sighed deeply: «There’s no better time than the present, then...»

«Indeed.»


End file.
